you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize