the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize