she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
