there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
