she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
