this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
