Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
