Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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