break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
from now on my penis is your penis
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
