his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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