Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
