Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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