it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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