I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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