Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
