the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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