Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
