i dont even know how to be here
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
