Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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