Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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