Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
