he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
