I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
