The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
