Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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