She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
