My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
