I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
