Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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