just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
