Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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