Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
