If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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