So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
