my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize