Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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