How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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