Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
