Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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