she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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