Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
