Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
