We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
