It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
