i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
