I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
