She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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