So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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