this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
