also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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