Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I want her autograph on my taint
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
