Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
