whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
