I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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