college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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