My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize