He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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