this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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