please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
