i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize