I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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