Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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