I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What a dumb baby whore.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize