remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
