I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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