i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
