Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
