I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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