Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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