i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
