So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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