I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
