She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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