its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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