i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just cropdusted the office
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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