So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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