Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize