My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
