its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
