you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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