I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
