Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
