Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
