i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize