I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is Oprah even human
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
