Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
