I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
