I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
