I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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