I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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