I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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