Apparently you make a good broom.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
