literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
