Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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