All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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