Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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