So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize