you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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