You just made me feel so damn special
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Randomize
