Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
